Random Nonsense – Actors

Despite pregnancy causing me to balloon up like Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (which may have happened in the Tim Burton version too, but since Tim Burton scares the crap out me, I guess I’ll never know), I managed to book an acting job! And not for a production I was producing – just a commercial for a small nursing college in Louisville – but I was excited. Nothing like driving 3 hours to make a 7am call time!

I can’t complain though – I love acting, and getting paid for it is even better. But as soon as I arrived at the shoot, I was reminded of why I hate actors. While I tried desperately to catch up on a few ZZZ’s until they called the actors in for the first shot, I heard the familiar sound of someone droning on about all the latest projects they have worked on, all the roles they have played, and essentially how phenomenal they are as a productive member of the human race.

Man, I cant stand that! I mean seriously….no one cares about your dazzling interpretative work as Fan #4 or what an amazing time you had working with that posh up-and-coming director when you recently played Girl Stuck in Traffic. No one is impressed by the fact that you’ve been “completely booked” for the past month and a half. I promise you, no one is even listening to your “fascinating” re-telling of the latest episode of CSI: Louisville, on which you happen to make a fantastic cameo as “dead body”. How could they? They are too preoccupied listening to how inspiring I was in that Spell It Out sketch.

Emily Steele is a screenwriter, actress and producer, originally from Syracuse, NY, who now resides with husband Ender Bowen in Nashville, TN. Steele is a member of comedy troupe Common Sense for Dummys and co-host of podcast Topical Vacation.

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